I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
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Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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