she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
