Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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