I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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