I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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