I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
