Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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