I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
