I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
