he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
