I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
