508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
