Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
