What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
