I haven't been this sober since birth.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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