I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
