she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How does one acquire holy water?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
