i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My dick has a subreddit
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
