Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
