Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
