therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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