She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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