Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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