hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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