That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
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"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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