It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
