Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
