We got so high we made milksteak
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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