sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
