i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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