Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
