My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize