Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize