i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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