my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The air was thick with penises
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
