You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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