Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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