I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
