then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
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When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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