the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
