Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
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the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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