It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
