i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
