I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
