It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
