god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
