And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
