I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
