Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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