y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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