I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
