Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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