Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
