fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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