It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
