I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
