i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
