i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
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went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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