My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I could make wine with my vomit
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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