I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
