I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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